My friends keep telling me that I need to start writing down all my dating stores, so here goes. The newest addition to my blog will be my ever changing dating life. Lord knows my memory is shit, so maybe it's good that I'm finally writing these stories down.
Let's start with 2014...
I broke up with the man I thought I was going to marry. The relationship had gone south a good 6 months prior, but I held on and hopped that it would one day change. That eventually we would get to that amazing place that we were at when we first started seeing each other. As he snored away in la-la land, I would lay in bed crying night after night, hoping and praying that things would change. It didn't. Well, not until I broke things off. I was a mess afterwards and still haven't fully recovered from it. Thanks to social media, I see that he's now found the "love of his life", which makes me sick to my stomach. I know, I know... I broke up with him, I should be happy for him, he wasn't the right one, yada yada yada, but it doesn't change the way my heart feels about him. I'll spare you the details, but trust me, we had issues, namely one big one that he would NEVER talk about. It's crazy how sex can bring a relationship up and then crash it down.
Enough about him... let's get into the funny stuff.
So after our breakup, I took a bit of a hiatus from dating. I figured it was best to take some time to myself. Eventually though I was ready to get myself back out there. I went out a lot, so I never had a problem meeting guys, but I decided I wanted to be down with the cool kids and try this new app Tinder. I went out on tons of date and met some great and not so great guys.
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| Swipe Left or Swipe Right |
There was the magician who did magic tricks on our date (sounds lame, I know, but it was actually very impressive!). At one point he told me to close my eyes. I thought he was going to put a card in front of my face or something so when I felt him come near I did a little bark and pretended to bite him (I sound crazy). Well, he wasn't doing a trick... he was being cute and was trying to kiss me, but instead I was trying to bite him. #headslap Don't worry we made out later and went out a couple more times ;)
UGH. Then there was this date with... gosh I don't even remember his name. Anyway, clearly it doesn't matter. So I'm talking with this Italian guy, super cute and we agree to go to this place down the street from my house. I'm outside talking with my doorman about life when I see this short guy with baggy pants walking down the side walk. I immediately turn to the doorman and say, if this is my date I'm gonna die. OF COURSE HE WAS THE GUY! Did I mention that I'm only 5'1? If I think someone is short, then you know there's an issue.
This guy looked NOTHING like his pictures. They must have been taken a while ago. Rule #1 of online dating should be that you need to have an updated picture. Momma raised me right, so I was polite and suggested that we go to the pub on the corner. We sit at the bar and chit chat and immediately I realize that he's agreeing with everything I'm saying. Ya know that person, the one that doesn't form their own opinion OR the one who's trying WAY to hard to impress you. I find it incredibly annoying. Please just be real!
45 min into the date I tell the guy I'm exhausted and that I need to head home because I have to get up early for work. At this point I can tell he's totally into me, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom to text my doorman. I asked him to come outside in 5 minutes because I was afraid this guy was going to try to kiss me. Sure enough, he tried. I whispered in his ear, not in front of my friend, gave him a hug and scooted my ass inside.
Fucking Tinder Town!
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