BLOG TAKEOVER: The Never Ending Bad Date

I'm thrilled that one of my close friends offered to share this hilarious story on the blog today...

Let’s just start out by saying that we met on Tinder. Since we had a mutual friend, who didn’t have anything bad to say about him (Ahem Christina!), I decided to go out with him.

That Saturday night he suggested we meet at Rock Bottom. I was a little taken back by that. It's not a bad place, but when you live downtown why would you go to chain restaurant?! Regardless of my feelings on the place I went along with it to be nice. As it got closer to the time we were supposed to meet he texted me saying he was looking for parking and was having a hard time. River North can be tricky, so I offered to help him, but he said it was fine and he would let me know when he parked. In the meantime I decided to walk the 2 blocks to Rock Bottom.

I walked into the doorway to see him waiting there but he wasn't. I thought to myself, maybe he is still walking, or got lost. I continued to wait. After 5-7 minutes passed and I still haven't seen him or heard from him I texted him, "I'm in the front waiting". He then responds back with, "In the bar area getting a drink". WTF! How impatient can you be that you went to the bar to grab a drink when I told you I would be there in less than 2 minutes??!

Being the understanding person that I am, I let it slide and figured he may just be nervous and needed the drink. As we met there was no hug or handshake just a verbal greeting. He asked if I wanted a drink while we waited for a table and I said sure. He made a couple suggestions and comments on the beer, but I went with the one I always get, which I ordered for myself from the bartender. As the bartender brought me my drink he also brought the bill, I hesitated a bit thinking my date would offer to get it (at the least, although I am not a girl that expects it, the gesture does mean something), but he didn't and I ended up paying for it (STRIKE 1).

Since the wait for a table was taking so long, we decided to just sit at the bar. As we continued to talk about what our families were like, he made a comment about a picture of mine on social media which was a side by side of me now and when I was a baby. He thought it was my niece. I explained to him that it was actually me and I thought to myself, this is creepy because I know you Facebook stalked me since it’s not on my tinder profile. Not a strike because we all do it but at least be sneaky about it! 

The bartender came by and gave us a menu and the minute we got it he said, "I'm vegetarian by the way". I've been on dates with guys that are vegetarians before and it isn't an issue for me but it was the way that he said it, in a suggested way that it wasn't okay for me to eat meat and he never followed up by saying "if you want to order something with meat feel free too", like most of the dates have said. The only vegetarian options were pizza, pretzels and a veggie burger. A veggie burger isn't easy to eat sitting at a bar on a date and I just had pizza earlier that day so I opted to get pretzels.

As we were waiting for our food I started to notice him getting antsy and jittery with his hands and legs. He then looked at me and asked if smoking was a deal breaker for me (STRIKE 2). If your going to smoke that's your own decision, but to ask it in that way to me was really weird, and unfortunately I didn't anticipate how weirder it was about to get. As I explained to him that I don't care for smoking, he was quick to ask me if he could be excused to quickly go smoke! What am I supposed to say to that, he looked like the was going through crazy withdrawal, perspiring and shaking. I said, “sure”, but really mean Are You F*cking Kidding Me Right Now (STRIKE 3 and 4). 

As he returns from his smoking break our food arrives. He got a larger flatbread pizza and I got a pretzel appetizer. Being on a date (and having manners) I took the pretzel rod put it on my plate and broke it off piece by piece to dip it in the cheese sauce, being sure NOT to double dip (I’m sure you can see where this is going). He offered me some of his pizza, but it didn't look all that appetizing because he doused the entire thing in black and crushed red pepper  (most people do it slice by slice). I nicely declined, but of course offered some of mine, which he said he would try later. Well later came and he reached in for a pretzel rod and dipped the whole thing in the cheese, took a bite, and then dipped again.  He didn't just double dip, but he triple dipped! (STRIKE 5)

After that I lost my appetite to eat the last pretzel stick I was eyeing, while he asked the bartender for the check and some to-go boxes to wrap things up. As we got the to-go box he offered me one but I politely declined. He then filled up his box with the leftover pizza, while asking if he could pack up my leftovers too (STRIKE 6). I said, “okay”, thinking to myself, you are 30 something… are you really packing up leftovers on a first date at Rock Bottom. Not only did he take the pretzel sticks but also proceeded to drizzle the cheese in the same box too with his pizza. 

As we sat there finishing our drinks the bill sat there between us like an elephant in the room, because I didn't know what to expect with this guy. He opens up the bill, goes in for his wallet, and I of course reach for my wallet. As I offered my card to pay he said, "That's okay I can get it". I said, " Are you sure?" He took my card and said, "We can split it if you want or you can just get a drink at the next place". I told him it was up to him, but in my head was thinking "NEXT PLACE?" I want to go home! He gave the card back to me and paid the bartender. All I could think was, crap I really hope he is tired and just wants to go home so I can go catch up on my DVR or meet up with friends since its still early.

When the bartender came back with the bill, my date signaled to the bartender and turned to me asking, "Do you mind if he takes a picture of us?". Excuse me?!? What is going on here?! I understand if the date was going well you may think its okay, but its clearly not going that well and I just met you. But what do you say when you are in that odd situation? So I reluctantly said, “okay” and smiled :/ I was so weirded out by that and could not wait to go home. 

As were leaving he realized he was over his parking meter time. I kindly suggested that he could go make sure he didn’t get a ticket and I could walk home since I live the opposite direction. Instead he said, "No I'm sure its fine, where should we go to get a drink?!" Man he remembered! Well Hubbard St. was out of the questions with him so I suggested Fado, quick and easy. As we walked he subtly lit a cigarette, seriously it is only a block away!

Once we get to Fado I suggested to go upstairs where it’s livelier so I don't have to talk to him too much. He orders a mixed drink and I order a beer. When the bill came he didn't even nudge to offer to pay. He took it literal when I said, “I'll get the next drink" (STRIKE 187). As we stood around watching the band there wasn't much conversation happening; I was getting tired and bored.

After he finished his drink (I was only half way done with mine), I told him I was ready to go since I was tired and full, but really I just wanted to get the hell out of there. As we walked out he gave me a hug and went in for a kiss (really buddy?!), but I turned my head to the side during the hug and walked away. A couple of minutes later he sent me the picture of us from the restaurant and told me he filtered it to black and white because it was blurry. He also said he had a great time. I am pretty sure he and I were on two different dates! I received a couple of texts from him since but let him know I wasn't interested in him.

Overall the best part of the date is the story I am able to tell my girlfriends and how I can compare all future dates to the worst never ending date. It's only up from here right?!?