Everything Will Be Okay

Life can be tricky , so sometimes we just need a little reminder that everything will be okay! 

BLOG TAKEOVER: The Never Ending Bad Date

I'm thrilled that one of my close friends offered to share this hilarious story on the blog today...

Let’s just start out by saying that we met on Tinder. Since we had a mutual friend, who didn’t have anything bad to say about him (Ahem Christina!), I decided to go out with him.

That Saturday night he suggested we meet at Rock Bottom. I was a little taken back by that. It's not a bad place, but when you live downtown why would you go to chain restaurant?! Regardless of my feelings on the place I went along with it to be nice. As it got closer to the time we were supposed to meet he texted me saying he was looking for parking and was having a hard time. River North can be tricky, so I offered to help him, but he said it was fine and he would let me know when he parked. In the meantime I decided to walk the 2 blocks to Rock Bottom.

I walked into the doorway to see him waiting there but he wasn't. I thought to myself, maybe he is still walking, or got lost. I continued to wait. After 5-7 minutes passed and I still haven't seen him or heard from him I texted him, "I'm in the front waiting". He then responds back with, "In the bar area getting a drink". WTF! How impatient can you be that you went to the bar to grab a drink when I told you I would be there in less than 2 minutes??!

Being the understanding person that I am, I let it slide and figured he may just be nervous and needed the drink. As we met there was no hug or handshake just a verbal greeting. He asked if I wanted a drink while we waited for a table and I said sure. He made a couple suggestions and comments on the beer, but I went with the one I always get, which I ordered for myself from the bartender. As the bartender brought me my drink he also brought the bill, I hesitated a bit thinking my date would offer to get it (at the least, although I am not a girl that expects it, the gesture does mean something), but he didn't and I ended up paying for it (STRIKE 1).

Since the wait for a table was taking so long, we decided to just sit at the bar. As we continued to talk about what our families were like, he made a comment about a picture of mine on social media which was a side by side of me now and when I was a baby. He thought it was my niece. I explained to him that it was actually me and I thought to myself, this is creepy because I know you Facebook stalked me since it’s not on my tinder profile. Not a strike because we all do it but at least be sneaky about it! 

The bartender came by and gave us a menu and the minute we got it he said, "I'm vegetarian by the way". I've been on dates with guys that are vegetarians before and it isn't an issue for me but it was the way that he said it, in a suggested way that it wasn't okay for me to eat meat and he never followed up by saying "if you want to order something with meat feel free too", like most of the dates have said. The only vegetarian options were pizza, pretzels and a veggie burger. A veggie burger isn't easy to eat sitting at a bar on a date and I just had pizza earlier that day so I opted to get pretzels.

As we were waiting for our food I started to notice him getting antsy and jittery with his hands and legs. He then looked at me and asked if smoking was a deal breaker for me (STRIKE 2). If your going to smoke that's your own decision, but to ask it in that way to me was really weird, and unfortunately I didn't anticipate how weirder it was about to get. As I explained to him that I don't care for smoking, he was quick to ask me if he could be excused to quickly go smoke! What am I supposed to say to that, he looked like the was going through crazy withdrawal, perspiring and shaking. I said, “sure”, but really mean Are You F*cking Kidding Me Right Now (STRIKE 3 and 4). 

As he returns from his smoking break our food arrives. He got a larger flatbread pizza and I got a pretzel appetizer. Being on a date (and having manners) I took the pretzel rod put it on my plate and broke it off piece by piece to dip it in the cheese sauce, being sure NOT to double dip (I’m sure you can see where this is going). He offered me some of his pizza, but it didn't look all that appetizing because he doused the entire thing in black and crushed red pepper  (most people do it slice by slice). I nicely declined, but of course offered some of mine, which he said he would try later. Well later came and he reached in for a pretzel rod and dipped the whole thing in the cheese, took a bite, and then dipped again.  He didn't just double dip, but he triple dipped! (STRIKE 5)

After that I lost my appetite to eat the last pretzel stick I was eyeing, while he asked the bartender for the check and some to-go boxes to wrap things up. As we got the to-go box he offered me one but I politely declined. He then filled up his box with the leftover pizza, while asking if he could pack up my leftovers too (STRIKE 6). I said, “okay”, thinking to myself, you are 30 something… are you really packing up leftovers on a first date at Rock Bottom. Not only did he take the pretzel sticks but also proceeded to drizzle the cheese in the same box too with his pizza. 

As we sat there finishing our drinks the bill sat there between us like an elephant in the room, because I didn't know what to expect with this guy. He opens up the bill, goes in for his wallet, and I of course reach for my wallet. As I offered my card to pay he said, "That's okay I can get it". I said, " Are you sure?" He took my card and said, "We can split it if you want or you can just get a drink at the next place". I told him it was up to him, but in my head was thinking "NEXT PLACE?" I want to go home! He gave the card back to me and paid the bartender. All I could think was, crap I really hope he is tired and just wants to go home so I can go catch up on my DVR or meet up with friends since its still early.

When the bartender came back with the bill, my date signaled to the bartender and turned to me asking, "Do you mind if he takes a picture of us?". Excuse me?!? What is going on here?! I understand if the date was going well you may think its okay, but its clearly not going that well and I just met you. But what do you say when you are in that odd situation? So I reluctantly said, “okay” and smiled :/ I was so weirded out by that and could not wait to go home. 

As were leaving he realized he was over his parking meter time. I kindly suggested that he could go make sure he didn’t get a ticket and I could walk home since I live the opposite direction. Instead he said, "No I'm sure its fine, where should we go to get a drink?!" Man he remembered! Well Hubbard St. was out of the questions with him so I suggested Fado, quick and easy. As we walked he subtly lit a cigarette, seriously it is only a block away!

Once we get to Fado I suggested to go upstairs where it’s livelier so I don't have to talk to him too much. He orders a mixed drink and I order a beer. When the bill came he didn't even nudge to offer to pay. He took it literal when I said, “I'll get the next drink" (STRIKE 187). As we stood around watching the band there wasn't much conversation happening; I was getting tired and bored.

After he finished his drink (I was only half way done with mine), I told him I was ready to go since I was tired and full, but really I just wanted to get the hell out of there. As we walked out he gave me a hug and went in for a kiss (really buddy?!), but I turned my head to the side during the hug and walked away. A couple of minutes later he sent me the picture of us from the restaurant and told me he filtered it to black and white because it was blurry. He also said he had a great time. I am pretty sure he and I were on two different dates! I received a couple of texts from him since but let him know I wasn't interested in him.

Overall the best part of the date is the story I am able to tell my girlfriends and how I can compare all future dates to the worst never ending date. It's only up from here right?!?

Everyone's Getting Married, Having Kids, and I'm Just Here Like...

Story of my life... :/

Pickling Jalapenos - En Fuego

Pickled Jalapenos

Prep time:  10 mins | Cook time:  8 mins | Total time:  18 mins | Serves: 2 cups | Serving size: ¼ cup (8 servings)

Ingredients

·         10 jalapeno peppers

·         ¾ cup distilled vinegar

·         ¾ cup filtered water

·         1 tbsp. kosher salt

·         1 tbsp. sugar

·         1 clove garlic, smashed

  

Instructions

1.     Thinly cut jalapenos, make sure they are about all the same size slices. Rinse under cold water; set aside.

2.     In a large pot, add vinegar, water, salt, sugar and garlic. Bring to a boil. Turn off and add the jalapenos. Push the jalapenos down so they are all submerged. let it sit for 15 minutes.

3.     Scoop the jalapenos out and place in an 8 oz sterilized jar. Spoon over the juice from the pan until filled to the top of the jar. Cover and let it sit on the counter until it reaches room temperature. Place in the refrigerator.

4.     Note: To make less hot in flavor, add up to 3 tablespoons of sugar.

5.   Note: If you forget to rinse them under, like I did, you may have to cook them twice and add more sugar. LOVE spicy food, but the first time I cooked these they were unedible. 

I put these bad boys in/on everything... literally everything!

ENJOY

#datinglife

I feel like I date... A LOT. I'm totally ready for the next phase in life of settling down with Mr. Perfect. Don't get me wrong I still love the idea of going out and partying until 4 AM every Saturday, but it would be nice to have a partner in crime to do it with me.

My friends keep telling me that I need to start writing down all my dating stores, so here goes. The newest addition to my blog will be my ever changing dating life. Lord knows my memory is shit, so maybe it's good that I'm finally writing these stories down.

Let's start with 2014...

I broke up with the man I thought I was going to marry. The relationship had gone south a good 6 months prior, but I held on and hopped that it would one day change. That eventually we would get to that amazing place that we were at when we first started seeing each other.  As he snored away in la-la land, I would lay in bed crying night after night, hoping and praying that things would change. It didn't. Well, not until I broke things off. I was a mess afterwards and still haven't fully recovered from it. Thanks to social media, I see that he's now found the "love of his life", which makes me sick to my stomach. I know, I know... I broke up with him, I should be happy for him, he wasn't the right one, yada yada yada, but it doesn't change the way my heart feels about him. I'll spare you the details, but trust me, we had issues, namely one big one that he would NEVER talk about. It's crazy how sex can bring a relationship up and then crash it down.

Enough about him... let's get into the funny stuff.

So after our breakup, I took a bit of a hiatus from dating. I figured it was best to take some time to myself. Eventually though I was ready to get myself back out there. I went out a lot, so I never had a problem meeting guys, but I decided I wanted to be down with the cool kids and try this new app Tinder. I went out on tons of date and met some great and not so great guys.

Swipe Left or Swipe Right

Here's an example of each:

There was the magician who did magic tricks on our date (sounds lame, I know, but it was actually very impressive!). At one point he told me to close my eyes. I thought he was going to put a card in front of my face or something so when I felt him come near I did a little bark and pretended to bite him (I sound crazy). Well, he wasn't doing a trick... he was being cute and was trying to kiss me, but instead I was trying to bite him. #headslap Don't worry we made out later and went out a couple more times ;)

UGH. Then there was this date with... gosh I don't even remember his name. Anyway, clearly it doesn't matter. So I'm talking with this Italian guy, super cute and we agree to go to this place down the street from my house. I'm outside talking with my doorman about life when I see this short guy with baggy pants walking down the side walk. I immediately turn to the doorman and say, if this is my date I'm gonna die. OF COURSE HE WAS THE GUY! Did I mention that I'm only 5'1? If I think someone is short, then you know there's an issue.

This guy looked NOTHING like his pictures. They must have been taken a while ago. Rule #1 of online dating should be that you need to have an updated picture. Momma raised me right, so I was polite and suggested that we go to the pub on the corner. We sit at the bar and chit chat and immediately I realize that he's agreeing with everything I'm saying. Ya know that person, the one that doesn't form their own opinion OR the one who's trying WAY to hard to impress you. I find it incredibly annoying. Please just be real!

45 min into the date I tell the guy I'm exhausted and that I need to head home because I have to get up early for work. At this point I can tell he's totally into me, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom to text my doorman. I asked him to come outside in 5 minutes because I was afraid this guy was going to try to kiss me. Sure enough, he tried. I whispered in his ear, not in front of my friend, gave him a hug and scooted my ass inside.

Fucking Tinder Town!

Build-a-WHAT?

I had been dating this awesome guy for about a month when Valentine's Day hit. What God awful timing! It's such a fun, but awkward time for the national holiday of love to hit. I went back and forth with my friends as to whether or not I should get him a present. After making a comment about being so excited to give me my present, I knew I had to get him something. But what do you get a guy you just started dating? After shopping with my other "boyfriend" Anthony I settled on a Gucci tie. He had great style and loved designer items so I figured it was perfect.

Valentine's day arrives, my apartment was decorated with candles, and I had on a sexy outfit. He walks in and I notice he has this backpack like thing on. With a cheshire grin, he turns around and to my horror it's a fucking teddy bear in a backpack bag. He takes the bag off and hands it to me. Inside was a bottle of wine (I knew I was going to need a drink after this) and the bear. Now this was not just any bear, this was a build-a-bear, which means it had a number of accessories. My new bear featured glasses, skinny jeans, roses, a red t-shirt that said Hugs on it, and heart inside that would actually beat.

Guys, there are a number of things wrong with this gift...

1. I'm not 7 years old
2. It's not romantic, not even a little bit
3. It's another chotchkies that I have to keep around my apartment 
4. Speaking of apartment, it doesn't go with the aesthetics of my place. I mean it's pink and grey in here, not red and black. 
5. I'm still not 7 years old, nor do I have a 7 year old

When it was his turn to open his gift I felt like a fool. My friend had told me earlier that I should get two gifts at two different price points. Depending on what he gave me I would pull out the more appropriate gift LOL!

The next day I went into work (we had celebrated the holiday on Sunday) and told everyone in my area about the newest addition to my life... a teddy bear. I thought I was being a brat until my coworkers agreed, the bear had to go. But where on earth was I going to put it? What, I'd have to take it out and put it away every time he came over? Nah, that's not going to work. After laughing and teasing about my gift all day, one of my coworkers asked me to bring the bear in for show and tell. Then it hit me- I'll keep the bear at work! This is my desk:

OMG Now that we've broken up, what am I supposed to do with this bear?!

Shana's Maid of Honor

In case any of you were wondering, Tinder town works! How do I know this you ask, well because my bestie Shana met her future husband Jeremy on there. They both committed to swiping right and now they are happy, in love, and engaged to be married this October! 

I. Could. Not. Be. Happier. Well, I take that back, I was slightly happier when Shana asked me to be her Maid of Honor. This is one of the greatest privileges in a friendship and I am completely and utterly honored. 

Shana, being the sneaky squirrel that she is, asked me to come over and hang out. I walked in the house and started chatting it up when she asked me to come into the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink?", She says. I replied, "Yeah, whatever you have open..." and kept talking. That's when I noticed she was pointing to a bottle of Prosecco. I finally slowed down to read the label...

UM WHAT? (this is about the time I started crying and hugging her). Shana, then asked if my answer was Yes? HELL YES it's a YES!

A week or so after Shana asked me she also asked our mutual best friend Kristin. The plan was to go to this awesome restaurant for dinner, but unfortunately it didn't work out. We ended up at the Houghbrough House, where they have a live polka band! The place is crazy loud, so unfortunately there wasn't a nice quiet opportunity for Shana to ask Kiki. Shana decided there was no time like the present; she gave Kiki a box with a balloon inside a pin that said pop me. Once she did Kristin found a ribbon that said, "Will you be my bridesmaid?" Aww... <3

Of course she said yes!

I can't even put into words how much I love them. I'm excited that we're able to share these momentous experiences in our lives together. I look forward to so many more life celebrations with these two!