I'm thrilled that one of my close friends offered to share this hilarious story on the blog today...
Let’s
just start out by saying that we met on Tinder. Since we had a mutual friend,
who didn’t have anything bad to say about him (Ahem Christina!), I decided to
go out with him.
That
Saturday night he suggested we meet at Rock Bottom. I was a little taken back
by that. It's not a bad place, but when you live downtown why would you go to
chain restaurant?! Regardless of my feelings on the place I went along with it
to be nice. As it got closer to the time we were supposed to meet he texted me
saying he was looking for parking and was having a hard time. River North can
be tricky, so I offered to help him, but he said it was fine and he would let
me know when he parked. In the meantime I decided to walk the 2 blocks to Rock
Bottom.
I
walked into the doorway to see him waiting there but he wasn't. I thought to
myself, maybe he is still walking, or got lost. I continued to wait. After 5-7
minutes passed and I still haven't seen him or heard from him I texted him,
"I'm in the front waiting". He then responds back with, "In the
bar area getting a drink". WTF! How impatient can you be that you went to
the bar to grab a drink when I told you I would be there in less than 2 minutes??!
Being
the understanding person that I am, I let it slide and figured he may just be
nervous and needed the drink. As we met there was no hug or handshake just a
verbal greeting. He asked if I wanted a drink while we waited for a table and I
said sure. He made a couple suggestions and comments on the beer, but I went
with the one I always get, which I ordered for myself from the bartender. As
the bartender brought me my drink he also brought the bill, I hesitated a bit
thinking my date would offer to get it (at the least, although I am not a girl
that expects it, the gesture does mean something), but he didn't and I ended up
paying for it (STRIKE 1).
Since
the wait for a table was taking so long, we decided to just sit at the bar. As
we continued to talk about what our families were like, he made a comment about
a picture of mine on social media which was a side by side of me now and when I
was a baby. He thought it was my niece. I explained to him that it was actually
me and I thought to myself, this is creepy because I know you Facebook stalked
me since it’s not on my tinder profile. Not a strike because we all do it but
at least be sneaky about it!
The
bartender came by and gave us a menu and the minute we got it he said,
"I'm vegetarian by the way". I've been on dates with guys that are
vegetarians before and it isn't an issue for me but it was the way that he said
it, in a suggested way that it wasn't okay for me to eat meat and he never
followed up by saying "if you want to order something with meat feel free
too", like most of the dates have said. The only vegetarian options were
pizza, pretzels and a veggie burger. A veggie burger isn't easy to eat sitting
at a bar on a date and I just had pizza earlier that day so I opted to get
pretzels.
As
we were waiting for our food I started to notice him getting antsy and jittery
with his hands and legs. He then looked at me and asked if smoking was a deal
breaker for me (STRIKE 2). If your going to smoke that's your own decision, but
to ask it in that way to me was really weird, and unfortunately I didn't
anticipate how weirder it was about to get. As I explained to him that I
don't care for smoking, he was quick to ask me if he could be excused to
quickly go smoke! What am I supposed to say to that, he looked like the was
going through crazy withdrawal, perspiring and shaking. I said, “sure”, but
really mean Are You F*cking Kidding Me Right Now (STRIKE 3 and 4).
As
he returns from his smoking break our food arrives. He got a larger flatbread
pizza and I got a pretzel appetizer. Being on a date (and having manners) I
took the pretzel rod put it on my plate and broke it off piece by piece to dip
it in the cheese sauce, being sure NOT to double dip (I’m sure you can see
where this is going). He offered me some of his pizza, but it didn't look all
that appetizing because he doused the entire thing in black and crushed red
pepper (most people do it slice by
slice). I nicely declined, but of course offered some of mine, which he said he
would try later. Well later came and he reached in for a pretzel rod and dipped
the whole thing in the cheese, took a bite, and then dipped again. He
didn't just double dip, but he triple dipped! (STRIKE 5)
After
that I lost my appetite to eat the last pretzel stick I was eyeing, while he
asked the bartender for the check and some to-go boxes to wrap things up. As we
got the to-go box he offered me one but I politely declined. He then filled up
his box with the leftover pizza, while asking if he could pack up my leftovers
too (STRIKE 6). I said, “okay”, thinking to myself,
you are 30 something… are you really packing up leftovers on a first date at Rock
Bottom. Not only did he take the pretzel sticks but also proceeded to drizzle
the cheese in the same box too with his pizza.
As we sat there finishing our drinks the bill sat there
between us like an elephant in the room, because I didn't know what to expect
with this guy. He opens up the bill, goes in for his wallet, and I of course
reach for my wallet. As I offered my card to pay he said, "That's okay I
can get it". I said, " Are you sure?" He took my card and said,
"We can split it if you want or you can just get a drink at the next
place". I told him it was up to him, but in my head was thinking
"NEXT PLACE?" I want to go home! He gave the card back to me and paid
the bartender. All I could think was, crap I really hope he is tired and just
wants to go home so I can go catch up on my DVR or meet up with friends since
its still early.
When the bartender came back with the bill, my date signaled to the bartender
and turned to me asking, "Do you mind if he takes a picture of us?".
Excuse me?!? What is going on here?! I understand if the date was going well
you may think its okay, but its clearly not going that well and I just met you.
But what do you say when you are in that odd situation? So I reluctantly said, “okay”
and smiled :/ I was so weirded out by that and could not wait to go home.
As were leaving he realized he was over his parking meter time. I kindly
suggested that he could go make sure he didn’t get a ticket and I could walk
home since I live the opposite direction. Instead he said, "No I'm sure
its fine, where should we go to get a drink?!" Man he remembered! Well
Hubbard St. was out of the questions with him so I suggested Fado, quick and
easy. As we walked he subtly lit a cigarette, seriously it is only a block
away!
Once we get to Fado I suggested to go upstairs where it’s
livelier so I don't have to talk to him too much. He orders a mixed drink and I
order a beer. When the bill came he didn't even nudge to offer to pay. He took
it literal when I said, “I'll get the next drink" (STRIKE 187). As we
stood around watching the band there wasn't much conversation happening; I was
getting tired and bored.
After he finished his drink (I
was only half way done with mine), I told him I was ready to go since I was
tired and full,
but really I just wanted to get the hell out of there. As we walked out he gave
me a hug and went in for a kiss (really buddy?!), but I turned my head to the side
during the hug and walked away. A couple of minutes later he sent me the
picture of us from the restaurant and told me he filtered it to black and white
because it was blurry. He also said he had a great time. I am pretty sure he
and I were on two different dates! I received a couple of texts from him since
but let him know I wasn't interested in him.
Overall
the best part of the date is the story I am able to tell my girlfriends and how
I can compare all future dates to the worst never ending date. It's only up
from here right?!?
